Wednesday, May 4, 2022


I am unhappy, just unhappy why is this happening once again?
Life is unpredictable ,  i am back to square one.
Back to the old days trying to escape from reality once again.
I feel like the world is making this a joke
I am trying my best, not to be that emotional bitch but i guess i can't help it
Nothing seems fair or even reasonable to make a reason to describe it.
I feel empty, I don't need pity. I will be strong again.


To my one and only grandmother,

i missed you badly, how are you?
why do you have to leave us? 
i thought maybe i have more time for you, but life is such unpredictable.
I hope you are doing fine and I hope you are happier now.
We missed you, don't worry about us.
Don't be afraid, grandfather will be there with you at least now you have someone to talk to.
I think I am just not ready to let you go.
Why do you have to leave? :(
I really really don't want you to leave...
ahma, thanks for always accepting who i am.
saying that i am straightforward but i don't meant what i always say i have a big heart.
not everyone is like you. and i dont think i can find another you in this life.
we always joke around when i visit you, asking you to treat me eat when you are the older person that i should be treating you eat. laughing away always asking me when i getting marry, can't wait any longer as you getting old and me being me always saying to you "where got old, i haven't marry yet not so soon" you say ok will wait but  i never thought that you will leave so sudden. my heart just can't take it that i have to let go of you. it hurt so much . pouring out my sadness will never bring you back i know but i want you to know that don't be scare popo, you not suffering anymore. i hope now someone is out there holding your hand in case you are scare. i guess i keep recalling that saturday's morning seeing you in that condition was really upset. i still try to be positive , fking positive thinking you will make it , you so strong definitely  can make it out. I guess being positive this time was not really going my way... popo you know it hurt to see you that way..........................those words you say to me hais i really dont know how to say to you. you are not alone. you are always love by us. we might not always show that way but i know i surely do love you not for your money not for your property just you. You make me a whole person. Thank you for being you even till you are sick you still worry about us...i cant find another you anymore.
popo thank you.